Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
