By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
