Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
