I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
