Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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