mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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