I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
