A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was born a porn star she said
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
