he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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