Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
