Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
