i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
