I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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