Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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