We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
