hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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