He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
