Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
