im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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