For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
