we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
