I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
