Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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