How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
