I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
