just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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