I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
