My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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