Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
