I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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