Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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