She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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