he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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