One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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