Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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