Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Operation Purity has been aborted
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
