my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
