what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize