My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
