just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
