so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
