That's intense
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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