you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
40s are totally the cure
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
