you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
