9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
