38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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