I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
