She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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