he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
