I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
