yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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