Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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