I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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